All of a sudden two decades have passed and you still have not kissed anyone with tongue, or kissed anyone at all for that matter, or had a 3 AM conversation with someone who would rather look into your eyes for ten minutes straight than talk. You have never worn a lover’s sweater or “forgotten” it at home in your bedroom just so you would have an excuse to see them again. You have never even stood face-to-face with someone who makes your hands shake so hard it feels like they’re both having a separate anxiety attack.
This causes you much guilt and self-blame and sadness but above all, an overwhelming curiosity. Are you really that ugly, that unwanted, that uninteresting, that boring, that no one, absolutely no one, has ever looked at you like the only thing on earth?
The answer is no. The better answer is that someone out there, somewhere in the world, is “wondering what it’s like to meet someone like you,” and they have two decades worth of love stored in their veins like a shoot-‘em-up drug, and they’re just about ready to inject it into someone else’s bloodstream. All you have to do is roll up your sleeves and wait for it to happen.
At times you felt so lonely you could stand at the edge of a cliff with nothing beneath you but air and grass and a long, long way down, and you’d still feel emptier than that canyon itself. Maybe you even danced with yourself alone in your room a few times, arms outstretched around a ghost, pretending someone else’s hands were on your waist, someone else’s eyes boring into yours.
Or maybe you fell temporarily in love with strangers on public transportation, fell in love with anybody who so much as accidentally brushed your hand on the way past. For you, falling in love with dozens of people a day was a coping mechanism for not having anyone to love you in return. But people are not eggs and falling in love with a dozen of them does not mean your shell will remain uncracked. One day you’re going to hit the point where you’re so desperate for human contact that you’re going to snap in half and all your love will bleed out like egg yolk.
But someone out there is eating a bowl of Ramen noodles right now, or putting on slippers, or settling into bed. They are doing all the normal things that you’ve done in your own life. They are just like you. They have cellulite and extra fat in all the wrong places and goals and fears and doubts and bad handwriting.
The truth is that they are just like you, and being just like you, they’re looking for a lover too. They’re what you might call a soulmate.
They think they’re all alone in feeling the way they do, but you’re really both two halves of a whole.
And one day you’ll meet them, bump into them on the street, and your two halves will be put together, and you’ll make one.
you’re so prettyyyy leahhhhhugh staaaaaawp that picture is anything but pretty tbh. :P
My hair has faded to the colour I first wanted it. Shame it looks so patchy. A re-dye is definitely in order!
be the person jim kirk would be proud to have on the enterprise
But then suddenly something’s different. You feel the wind on the tips of your fingers, and the rain. Because before that you’re not really sure where you are but… but now you know. And you’re pushing through and then all this stuff at once. The moon and this incredible storm blowing. And the clock chiming midnight and you’re just standing there. N o b o d y else around.
#somewhere in the ether there’s words for how good this show is#how brave and wise and horrifying and beautiful and important#this incredible complex fable about difference and minorities and illness and intolerance and survival#it’ll break your fucking heart#and it’ll keep doing it#because the characters are so intimately & tenderly drawn#every single one#[especially the female characters]#and the whole thing just says#look#look at how terrible and fearful and petty and cruel and stupid humans are#and look at how brilliant and courageous and tragic and loving#god i don’t even know how to praise it high enough it’s fucking astonishing#i just mainlined the most recent eps off iplayer & i’m a goddamn wreck#i’m just#god#it’s so good#every second of it aches and it’s so bloody good(x)
In exactly one week, I would’ve just taken off from Heathrow airport and be en route to Toronto, where promisedyouastar and I will dramatically run towards one another and embrace at Pearson airport. From there, we’ll be travelling onto Niagara Falls for a couple days before heading back to Toronto to see 5SOS and 1D on Saturday night and hang until Wednesday, with lots of (sure to be well documented) shenanigans fitted in between.
I! CAN’T! WAIT!
when im a parent i won’t take my kid’s electronics when they get in trouble i’ll just take the charger so i can watch the fear in their eyes as they use it less and less while the battery slowly begins to run out